


She's a Manslayer

by mevious



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Platonic Female/Male Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-19 06:24:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3599655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mevious/pseuds/mevious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kankri warns Karkat about Porrim's heartbreaking ways, but Karkat doesn't buy it. As far as he's concerned, she's Kanaya's cool older sister who's willing to go see the latest romcoms with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	She's a Manslayer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [roachpatrol](https://archiveofourown.org/users/roachpatrol/gifts).



“She’s what some would call a manslayer, though I don’t approve of the term,” said Kankri as he peered at the Maryams from across their spacious backyard. Once or twice a year, their father would invite the Maryams, the Captors and the Leijons over for what he called a family reunion, though outside of their clans, none shared blood. 

“Who? Kanaya? I’m pretty sure she’s not even into guys, for fuck’s sake.” Karkat frowned at Kankri, fully prepared to be angry at his older brother’s assumption. As if he didn’t make enough of those on a regular basis.

Kankri shook his head, sipping at the decaf tea he’d brewed for himself -- and only for himself, of course, considering no one else on the planet would drink the liquid sludge he called a beverage. “No, Karkat. I’m well aware -- not to mention sensitive to -- Kanaya’s orientation, thank you very much, and on top of that, I don’t at all appreciate you assuming that I would assume something like that. I’m talking about Porrim, for your information. She’s in my literature class.”

“Literature? It’s called English, douchefuck. You’re not even in AP,” Karkat snapped, though he didn’t take it further. He was far too busy leaning his neck to get a better look at the girl Kankri seemed to be talking about. “Her?” he asked, not-so-subtlely gesturing in Porrim’s direction. He’d seen her around school before, now that he got a good look at her, but he’d never taken any particular notice of her. 

“Excuse you, Karkat. Watch your language, first of all. You never know who might take offense to the, quite frankly, filthy slurs and curses that come out of your mouth. Secondly, yes, that’s exactly who I mean. From what I’ve observed, she’s quite the heartbreaker, and I can certainly see why. Not that I’m at all interested in that sort of thing.” The last sentence came out quick and rushed, and before he could continue speaking, Kankri was nose-deep in his mug again.

For a moment, Karkat thought to respond, but for once, his older brother seemed to have shut himself up, and the younger Vantas was glad to have this conversation fizzle out. He cast one last glance back to Porrim and Kanaya, shrugged, and went to get himself a plate of mini corndogs. Somehow, their dear old dad always remembered the mini corndogs, which was good, because they were Karkat’s favorites.

~ ~ ~

“Friend, huh? You like him?” Porrim had always had a way of being blunt about this sort of thing, and, well, everything really. Kanaya heaved a sigh, dragging the palm of her hand down her face.

“No, Porrim, I have no romantic interest in him. How many times do I have to tell you that I have no romantic interest in any male at all?” she groaned. “It’s just that Karkat and myself are in the process of developing a friendship that has great potential to outlast high school, and I don’t want you to ruin it with the feminine wiles you are so apt with.”

Porrim couldn’t help but laugh at that, putting one hand on her younger sister’s shoulder. “I know, I know. I’m just teasing you, Kanaya. And if it really means that much to you, I won’t lay a finger on your little friend. He’s not really my type, anyway.” Kanaya didn’t miss the glance Porrim shot towards the table where the youngest Vantas was sitting back down.

“I have a hard time believing that. Practically everyone qualifies as ‘your type’, in my experience.” Kanaya’s voice was flat and serious, as was the look she was giving Porrim.

“Relax,” Porrim assured her, though it wasn’t all that assuring at all. “Come on. Let’s go say hi, maybe find something to do so we don’t spend the whole day bored.” 

Kanaya reached out to her sister, hoping to stop her from going over there and ruining things as she was wont to do, but alas, Porrim was making a beeline for the Vantas brothers and Kanaya could barely keep up with her, much less stop her. 

~ ~ ~

Seconds after Karkat sat back down at the table and noticed the wide-eyed expression on Kankri’s face, before he could even ask what it was about, a lithe figure slid onto the bench next to his brother. Instantly it registered that this was the girl Kankri had spoken of, and that explained why he was scuttling himself as far away from her on the bench as he could. Karkat was almost surprised he didn’t hiss at her.

“Hello,” came her voice, accompanied by a wave from what appeared to be a very flustered Kanaya. 

“Hey,” Karkat responded easily, pushing forward his plate. Fortunately, he’d grabbed as many mini corndogs as would fit on the plate. Unfortunately, he now felt obligated to share them. “Mini corndog?” he offered, scooting over so that Kanaya had room to sit.

With a shrug, Porrim picked one of them up and popped it in her mouth. She gave Kankri a look, and Karkat swore he saw her wink at his brother. He had to shove a corndog in his mouth just to hold back the snort of laughter that threatened to escape as he watched his brother lose all color and then turn red enough to match his sweater, all in the span of a few seconds.

“Porrim, right? Kanaya’s sister?” he asked once he’d managed to chew and swallow the mouthful of cornbread and probably-meat. 

She gave a nod and a smile, earning her a glare from Kanaya that Karkat didn’t catch. “Right you are. Karkat?” she asked, pronouncing his name carefully so as not to mess it up. Kanaya’s look of death was ignored.

“That’s my name,” he said, stopping himself before he could add the too-cliche-for-real-life ‘don’t wear it out’. “Nice to meet you. Kanaya and I have homeroom and math together. Kankri said you have English together?”

The small talk went on for a few minutes, complete with discussion of teachers Karkat had, ones Porrim had studied under in the past. As the seconds ticked away into minutes, an increasing feeling of dread began to sink into the cores of both Kankri and Kanaya, who while their siblings were talking and laughing, had their own silent conversation, all shared looks and frowns. The pair almost didn’t notice when Karkat and Porrim disappeared into the small crowd and headed across the lawn.

“Oh no,” breathed Kanaya, gripping the edge of the bench. “I asked her not to do this,” she groaned, giving Kankri a helpless look.

“And I warned Karkat about her,” was all he could add. “I suppose Porrim just has a mind of her own, and with no regard for the feelings of others.” The bitterness was clear in his voice, but Kanaya just ignored it.

“Do you think Karkat will be angry with me if she breaks his heart?” she asked, her mind jumping a bit too far ahead, though likely only by a week or so.

“I couldn’t tell you. Karkat always seems to be angry. It’s probably not very good for him, but telling him to relax only seems to worsen the problem.”

Kanaya sighed. She couldn’t deny the truth of that statement. There was a long moment of no speaking during which the only sounds to break the silence were those of Kanaya’s long fingernails tapping on the picnic table and Kankri taking periodic drinks of his tea.

“What’s wrong with you two?”

Karkat’s voice came as a start to both Kankri and Kanaya, the former of which nearly spit his tea and the latter jumped nearly two inches out of her seat. “You look like someone just kicked your respective puppies.”

Karkat and Porrim slid back into their seats, each having brought back a plate bearing more snacks to aid the conversation. 

“Nothing,” sputtered Kanaya quickly. “Absolutely nothing.” She gave Karkat a quick, reassuring smile and he shrugged, popping a mini corndog into his mouth.

Kanaya attempted to cover up her sloppy response by picking up a speared cube of cheese from the plate Porrim had brought, carefully pulling it off of the toothpick and into her mouth without smearing her lipstick. Soon enough, the awkward tension in the air began to wear off.

“Women’s studies?” Karkat was asking. “Kankri’s going for cultural studies. Maybe you’ll have some classes together, since you’re going to the same school.”

Porrim didn’t even try to hide her laugh. “God, I hope not,” she responded, and Karkat snorted, almost choking on his food.

“Can’t really blame you there,” he admitted, looking to Kankri who probably had a lot to say on the topic, but for some reason kept his mouth shut. In fact, the elder Vantas gathered up his mug of tea and stormed off, presumably to go sulk in his room.

Suddenly feeling like the third wheel, Kanaya sighed almost inaudibly. Everything was obviously doomed now, thanks to her older sister.

~ ~ ~

For the rest of the weekend, neither Kankri nor Kanaya saw much of their respective siblings; Karkat and Porrim spent the weekend at the mall, going to the movies, et cetera. At one point, Kankri even reached out to a mutual friend to see if there was any way to stop Porrim before she started, but all he got back was ‘vwhat? shes already vwith someone else?’ and a long sob story.

That Monday when it was time to go back to school, Kankri didn’t expect Porrim to sit with their usual group in the cafeteria before homeroom, or if she did, he expected her to bring Karkat. How potentially embarrassing.

When she strode up alone, it was a pleasant surprise, though bittersweet -- had she already shot him down? “You didn’t bring Karkat with you?” he heard himself ask before he was ready for the conversation to follow.

“What?” she responded. “Why would I? He’s a cool kid and all, but he’s got his own friends. We’re going to see that new romcom on Saturday, but it’s not like we’re together or anything.” She laughed, nudging Kankri with her elbow. “What, jealous?”

“Absolutely not!”

~ ~ ~

When Karkat walked up to their table in the cafeteria, Kanaya practically pounced him, something he would have expected more from Nepeta than from her. “Are you okay?” she was asking, but if he was being honest with himself, it was too early in the morning for this shit.

“What? Why the fuck wouldn’t I be? Are YOU okay?” he fired back, confused by her interrogation.

“Oh, I guess I assumed that since you didn’t go to Porrim’s table, she ended your relationship,” Kanaya admitted, sitting down and leaving a space for Karkat.

“What the fuck? Relationship? Kanaya, we aren’t and weren’t in a fucking relationship. We went to the movies and hung out for one fucking day. Seriously, I’m not even into her in that way, holy shit. And even if I was, she’s your fucking sister, and that would be incredibly awkward not to mention stupid.” He rolled his eyes, sitting down next to her, his gas station coffee finding a spot on the table in front of him. 

Fortunately for Kanaya, Karkat completely missed the relieved smile that washed over her face as she realized he was just being his usual not-a-morning-person self, covering his face with his arm as he dropped his head towards the desk as though he had a snowball’s chance in hell of falling back asleep in the loud cafeteria.


End file.
